Monday, November 30, 2009

My Simple Woman's Daybook

I found the Simple Woman's Daybook through my friend's blog and thought I'd give it a try. It seemed like a fun thing to do. You can find the outline for this blog idea at The Simple Woman's Daybook.

For Today:

November 30, 2009

Outside my window the trees are changing colors.

I am thinking about my children and wondering how their lives are changing daily.

I am thankful for God's many blessings in keeping them safe and sound.

From my learning I am realizing that I can manage to learn something new even as I grow older.

From the kitchen, deer sausage was for dinner and I think it turned out well.

I am wearing my Mother is Another Word for Love shirt and shorts because it's warm inside and I'm don't feel well.

I am creating ornaments for christmas, redecorating the house, and creating many thoughts in my blogs.

I am going to bed before much longer. Busy day tomorrow.

I am reading many different things online lately.

I am hoping for my kids to come home to live with me soon.

I am hearing the movie I've been wanting to watch on television.

Around the house, I have a lot to do. Christmas to finish, dishes to wash, rooms to paint and laundry to get done.

One of my favorite things, is hot cocoa in the Winter time.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Tuesday: Shopping with Ms. Jean, Parenting Class in the afternoon
Wednesday: Cleaning house, Paint coat 2 in the bathroom
Thursday: Grocery shopping with Mamaw, Breakfast out
Friday: Date with Josh, College
Saturday: Family Time, painting in the house
Sunday: Church, Family time

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing:

Monday, November 16, 2009

New Love, New Life - The story of Josh and I

I have to start this by saying that even though the last few months have been hard and I miss my kids terribly every day, they have also been some of the best months in my life.

When I first came back to the Myrtle Beach area, I was unsure what to do. I floated from friend to friend for a while. I became depressed because I did not have my children with me and the pain of missing them was just awful. I started to go back to my old life but at the same time I just knew I would not be happy there, no matter how hard I tried to be. All of my dear friends tried to keep me going, to cheer me up, but that's hard to do when you know there is a huge part of your life missing. I kept going for my children and I prayed every day for God's guidance and answers for my life.

While I was floating around I looked for a job. Needless to say, the economy is not the best right now and finding a job is not an easy task. I did get hired back at my old seasonal job cleaning condos, one day a week and that was at least a little pay to help provide for myself. I helped out friends with work they needed done, and kept on going as well as I could.

I was in college online at this time but due to all of the stress I was under I was unable to continue my studies. I ended up withdrawing from school because of it all. It was around this time that I found out that my mother had contacted DSS and was trying to take my children. I felt so lost and hurt and angry at that point, not so much with my mother as with God.

I prayed every day. I didn't feel that it was really doing any good but I kept on praying regardless. I kept remembering the scripture that says all you need is the faith of a mustard seed. Boy, I can tell you that was about the size of my faith at that time in my life. Somedays it still feels like it is.

So, here I was floating along in my life, trying to keep my head above the water, thankful to my great friends who literally took care of me, though they never had to. I was looking to God for answers, for something, for His plan for my life. I knew he had brought me out of the Hell I was in. I knew he had something better in store. In my heart I knew these things. I could feel Him telling me.

One night I received a message, after asking God what he wanted of me. It was from a dear friend, who said "I have someone I want you to meet". I did NOT want to meet anyone at that time of many failures. I did NOT think I was deserving of meeting anyone good or that I was ever going to find anyone who was good. I thought I have had enough of this failure at relationships and love, God intends me to walk this life alone, with just Him and one day my children again. So my dear friend told me, "just talk to him and see what happens". I did what she asked.

I tried several days to talk to this person she had asked me to meet. I kept asking God "what are your plans for me... just, please, tell me Lord". The guy seemed like a good person. He was hard working, he had a son he loved. He, too, had been hurt too many times in love. But I was determined that I was not interested in having another relationship with anyone, no matter how great they seemed. I had loved too many wolves in sheeps clothing and I was not looking to fall prey to that again.

So he asked me out and I put him off, then at the last minute I backed out. I, seriously, did not want a relationship at all. But God was working on me, without my knowledge. God knew what I needed most in my life and He knew what His plan is for me. That night, instead of being online talking to me, he went out with his friends and well, frankly, I missed him. I wondered what he was up to and I wished I had not told him no about going on a date. Like I said, God was working.

Saturday came and my new friend messaged me first thing when he got online that day. He had a busy day planned but he was still interested in talking to me, even though I had turned him down for a date the night before. We talked a few minutes and he decided to take the chance and ask me to go walk on the beach with him. I was torn. I did not want to go but at the same time I could feel God telling me to give him a chance. So I said yes. He came later that night to meet me and take me for a walk on the beach. We had a great time on our walk and now I am so glad that we met.

It seems like forever since that walk on the beach. It was the turning point for my life, just the change that I needed. I believe in my heart that this is finally the life that God intended for me. That he sent Joshua Lambert to me when I needed him the most.

Josh is a simple country boy. He loves hunting, being on the water, playing in the mud and most of all his family, especially his son. He's laid back and a kid at heart but he's also extremely hard-working and respectful of his elders. He's supportive and caring. He's so much more than I could ever describe here. And I knew from the moment I first looked into his eyes, the moment he walked up my steps in Little River, SC, to take me for that walk on the beach, that he was the man for me.

I'm blessed. I'm blessed to have three wonderful, beautiful children. I'm blessed to have a handsome 31 year old man that loves me. I'm blessed to have a wonderful, handsome future step-son to love, who also loves me. I'm blessed that God has finally given me the life and the family that He has chosen for me and I am so thankful every day for them all!

I am once again enrolled in college. Josh's Mom has been the driving force in getting my kids back. His Mamaw has become one of my best friends. His sister always brings a smile to my face and Justain a laugh, with his silly moments. I have the best friends a girl could ask for (you know who you are). All I can say is Life is good today.<3

Been a while - the explanation

It's been a while since I updated this blog. I started this blog as a way to share my life, my kids lives and my hopes for our future. There has been so much going on in my life that I haven't felt up to updating. It's been a long few months, full of changes and disappointments, as well as excitement and new life for us all.

After my trip to Myrtle Beach, I went back home to Inman, SC and realized that I was missing my family back in Myrtle Beach a lot and I was not as happy as I should have been in Inman. I am not going to go into the details at this time but I will say I was painting a picture of life that just wasn't really so. I came back to Myrtle Beach in June 2009 and have been here every since.

Many people have different opinions on the choices that I have made in the last few months. I just want to say that everyone is intitled to their opinion, everyone is intitled to their judgements, but let those without sin be the first stone-thrower. I am not personally a stone-thrower so I will shush about it now.

So, in the last few months, I have done what I felt best for my family. Some of you know the gory details (which, really, aren't so gory), some of you don't and assume that you do. I have lost many friends over this time period just because they couldn't or didn't try or didn't want to try to understand the situation.

The truth is I wasn't happy. I left my beautiful children behind in Inman while I came back to find a place for them because I felt it was the best option for them. I left them with the woman I trusted most, my mother, though many, many people (including their father) had told me not to. Needless to say he was right, I should have never trusted her and that is possibly the only thing in my life I will ever regret.

My mother has always been against me homeschooling my children. She thinks I am giving them terrible lives and can not see the bigger picture of how much better their lives will be in the end of their years of being homeschooled. So when I left my kids with her, she took the first opportunity to contact DSS about my "educational neglect" and has painted a very deceptive picture of me to ensure that she has control of my children. And at this time she does. I have spent the last 2 months trying to make DSS understand that my children were not educationally neglected and not in danger from being with me, to no real avail. But the end of that is coming soon, my friends.

So now I am battling with DSS from across the state of SC, trying to get my three beautiful children returned to me. I have been drug through the mud with this. My children get limited time to talk to me, due to the space between us and the problems between me and the people I trusted to leave them with. But I am not giving up. As one of my good friends said to me today, I am determined. Determined to have my children. Determined to raise them as I see fit, as their mother. Determined to never give up hope, in God, in Life, in my beautiful babies.

I read all the other blogs from parents online and think, "how lucky they are to have their children". I think if only I had not made the one mistake of trusting the person I thought loved me most in this world to take care of my children in my time of need. I've gone through the "why Lord?", the "how could you allow this to happen to me?", all of it. I know it's because I trusted in the wrong person, a frail human, who is unsure if God even exsists at times. I know it happened to me to teach me to appreciate my babies, to love every moment with them even more, to never take them for granted again. I know there are reasons I can not even fathom at this time, but they are God's reasons for allowing this to happen to my life and I am thankful to Him for loving me, for teaching me, and for guiding me through all of the seasons of my life.

I hope this someone sheds some light on the situation to those wondering why in the world I don't just go get my babies. Or what I did so wrong to not be able to have them. I only made one simple mistake. But I can promise it is one I will never make again.

God bless all who make it through to the end of this post! <3


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