Monday, April 5, 2010

My Thoughts On: The Step-family {Thoughts from Me - April 5, 2010}

Step-families


Something that has always irked me was the phrase “step” in use with family. Recently, I set out to find where this term came from. I discovered through Wikipedia’s free encyclopedia that the term step-family finds it roots in the 8th Century when it was used to denote a child of a widowed parent or an orphan.

My question is why do we still use this term to describe families? It is no longer a term used for decease but instead has become a representative of combined family. Why? Can the world find no better term for a child’s placement in life than to become a “step” child in a blended family? Is a child born unto you biologically any better than one that comes to you through the process of marriage or a good relationship?

For me, the term “step” is degrading to the blended family. It creates the feeling in children that they are not equal to one another and that a child is better than them because the child is born into the family. Such untruth can destroy the esteem of a child. I would prefer someone to say “this is Dana’s child” over my “step” child, or simply this is “my child”. If you make a commitment to become married or seriously involved, then you also make the commitment to be a parental figure to that person’s children.


I was personally raised in a blended family but I was not raised to call anyone my “step” parent or sibling. I was taught that my family was my family: my father was my father, my sisters and brothers were my sisters and brothers. There was no “step”, no “half”, no set boundaries in my family life. We were family.

I try to teach my children the same lesson that my family taught me. They are not better than my boyfriend’s child, just because they were born to me. Neither is my boyfriend’s child better than them because he was born to his father. We are a family. They were created equally in God’s Love and should be treated and considered equal in family. I do not allow them to belittle each other by calling themselves “step” anything. They are not a “step” but an individual member of a bigger unit called Family. Family is what God intended children to be a part of when he created us. Family is an irreplaceable, true sign of God’s unending love, and family is what my children will always be.

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful family.

    I am swinging by my followers to say `Hello` and `Thank You`
    Have a wonderful weekend with your family.

    ReplyDelete

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