Saturday, June 25, 2011

God's Blessed Luv'N Lambert Life

I spent my day thinking about putting my blog onto lock-down after the recent comment made, making it so that no one but my followers can read what I write, especially about my children.  I have since decided that it's not worth it.  I pretty much know who wrote it.  After all, it's not that hard to follow trails and figure it out who it is.  Those who pretend to know me so well should already know that I'm good at finding out what I want to know and they are bad at hiding who they are.

I also find it funny that it comes following a post in which I tell how wonderful my life is and how much I love my fiance.  Jealousy rears it's ugly head when others realize I'm happy and they are not.  When they realize their children have fathers when they have chosen not to be. 

I pride myself on being an honest person.  I pride myself on portraying that honesty in front of my children.  I do not lie to them, I do not pretend to be anything I am not.  Any time I am asked a question, I answer it truthfully and sometimes a little too truthfully.  I often tell others I am possibly the most honest person they will ever meet.  What need do I have to lie?  I have no need to attempt to impress others by telling anything but the truth!

Speaking of honesty, let me just make it clear that I have never stated I was a devout Christian.  I am a non-denominational Christian who is still learning and growing in my relationship with God daily.  It took me a while to get here but no one will prevent me from continuing to grow in my relationship with God, especially not someone in relation to one of my ex's. 

They are both my ex's for a reason: both abusive, neglectful and disrespectful as persons.  I was not about to stay with any man who hit me and allowed my children to lose home after home, even while I was working to help him care for them.  Nor was I going to stay with a hypocritical Christian who shoved his daughters into countertops, beat them into the floor, pulled their hair, held my own daughter down while beating her, thumped my son in the penis for wetting his bed, and laid his 275 lb full-body weight on top of me while I was pregnant with my daughter and screaming out of fear from his outrage attacks.  I'm sorry but I do not believe it was God's wish for me to stay with either of those men.  No, he had bigger plans for me and my children.

It was God who led me to Josh.  It was God who prepared our life together.  In 2000, when Josh was shot in the hip in his hunting accident, it was my Daddy who came home with tears to tell me and my mother about it.  It was four days after our oldest son was born.  My Dad cried for this young man who he thought a lot of.  He didn't think he would make it through and if he did, no one thought he'd ever walk again.  I prayed on my knees for this boy who I didn't even know then, only because he touched my Dad's heart so.  He never knew and I never knew God's plans for us.  Neither of us would know until almost nine years later.

When I met Josh, I begged and pleaded with him to just be friends, to leave me where I was, that I was not worthy of him and did not need any relationship with any man.  He was led to persue me.  He made me believe differently.  His faith in us was stronger than I was at that time.  I had no idea at that time that he was the same boy I had prayed for and he had no idea I had even thought of him in his distress.  It was in the months that followed that we realized just how intertwined our lives had been.

It has not been an easy road for either of us.  I spent years being abused and he spent years with someone who claimed to love him but didn't.  We both have had bridges to burn and wounds to heal but we have done it together, just as God intended. 

The day I gave into meeting Josh my life changed forever.  The minute I looked into his eyes I stopped breathing.  I have never felt anything like I do when I'm with him.  He makes me happy.  He strives to make me smile.  He does all he can for our children, to provide for them, give them their dreams and see them smile.  So much more than their own fathers ever have. 

I cannot look at all we have been through and not see that God has been there.  I cannot look at us daily and not see God's presence.  I do not believe that He frowns upon our life when He has blessed it so much.  I do believe that He wrote our story before we even knew what our lives held.  I also believe that He is the only one who knows what our story holds but in time we will be blessed to know too. 

All I can do is enjoy Luv'N Lambert Life as God has provided these blessings for me, and teach my family to do the same. <3

3 comments:

  1. Bless your heart! I am so sorry that you and your kids had to endure such things. Josh however, sounds like a great guy and I'm glad that you're little family is happy.

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  2. What an awesome future that God has put together for you and your family. Sometimes I think Devout is just another word for Judgmental!, until someone else lives your life and walks in your shoes they have absolutely no right to judge your choices in life. You seem to have your head on straight and are following the path that God has placed in front of you, good for you.

    Sorry, off my soapbox now. Following from the crew and looking forward to following your journey.

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  3. I came here from the Crew to get to know you. What a powerful testimony you have! I hope God gives you opportunities to use it to encourage and give hope to other women and children.
    Blessings to you and yours,
    Nikki

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