A dear friend of ours passed away on Sunday and it just hits me how quickly things can change. Her death was unexpected and she left behind a Mother who depends on her daily and a new husband with kids-in-love. None of which could have imagined they would bury her today.
I'm in shock. My heart hurts. She was an Aunt to my own children-in-love, a sister to the man I love.
God doesn't promise us when our lives will end. God doesn't promise us tomorrow. We are given only today, only these moments together until we are called home to the other side of things.
And it strikes me again, how quickly my babies could be gone from me. How easily these seizures could cause their lives to be gone from here. They are fragile and seizures are tough. Their tiny bodies can only handle so much.
I pray for their lives every day. I pray they will each see another day, here on Earth, here with me. It's selfish of me to want them to remain here with me but time is so short.
I want memories and I want snuggles, love from them, shared with them. I want to embrace them every day. I want to give them a lifetime of love, that only Mommy can give to them.
Today we have control of the Epilepsy. Tomorrow, we may not. I never know when it will hit them, when it will tease me with the risk of their lives being gone. I never know when and I live in limbo as I wait for it to happen.
I cannot relate with the loss that Mother felt today as she said Goodbye one final time to the baby she spent her life loving. I pray daily I never feel her same pain. I surely would not handle it nearly so well.
So with a pain-filled heart, I find myself loving my babies a little more, sneaking nighttime peaks when I'm able to ensure they are happy and safe and yes, still breathing. I rejoice in the morning when they come to say "I love you, Momma". And I cherish every moment, every breath, every day that we have together here on Earth before we must part unexpectedly to that next place.